Dating agency application form
SOURCE: Consumer Reports "It's clear that online dating websites play a major role in the lives of many consumers — we invest a tremendous amount of time, money and emotional energy.Your name: Your email: Your age: Your sex: Female (This is non-negotiable. D./MD/DMD I go to the Vo-Tech, climb under a car, and sleep all day Jay Truck Driving School what’s edumacation? Your pheromones are too sexy to cover up I don’t like myself, and I’m hoping you’ll treat me like a used-up stripper Everything “You’re deceptive.” When would you like to go out with me? ) The kids at school used to call out “Baaaby Ruuth” when I would walk by No, really, I don’t think you understand: I am UG-LY “Daddy says I’m ‘this close’ to living in the yard! : Cheap flowers Expensive champagne Your A game I like shiny things A unquenchable libido Astroglide A shoehorn Amniotic dysentery A small, hairless Asian boy Your enema bag collection “And I want a bike and a monkey and a friend for the monkey.” What will I do when I see you?“Daddy, I’m scared, too scared to even wet my pants.” What should I wear?: Something that says “derelict frat boy,” like khakis, a button down and a ratty hat Something that says “I’m a rich, arrogant lawyer”, like a navy Hugo Boss suit and Hermes tie Something that says “I’m Euro-trash, but at least I look good,” like black Armani pants and a tight Zegna shirt Something that says “I ain’t got me no money,” like a burlap sack Something that says “I’ve been on Cops,” like boxer shorts and a stained wife-beater Something that says “ethnic,” like a dashiki and a fez Something that says “I really don’t care”, like flip-flops, old jeans and logo t-shirt Something that says “ghetto fabulous,” like a Fubu jersey and Karl Kani jeans Something that says “retro Miami Vice,” like a peach colored polo shirt and white suit Something that says “I shop at thrift stores,” like Dickie’s and a mechanic’s shirt Something that says “1993 Jodeci video”, like a hot pink tank top and spandex shorts Something that says “hip Militia Man”, like a Patagonia fleece over Kevlar body armor Whatever you have that’s clean Surprise me Nothing at all “Daddy, these rubber pants are hot.” What will we do on our first date?Still others rely solely on paid membership subscriptions.Opinions and usage of online dating services also differ widely.: Whenever When you are available Hey, we’re on my schedule here, Date Boy When your heart stops As soon as I finish gnawing off my left leg When I get over my herpes and pink eye After I suck off a Great Dane How about never? “This is my sandbox, but I’m not allowed to go in the deep end.” How would you rate yourself in terms of your physical attractiveness? ” How would you rate yourself in terms of your intelligence? That’s unpossible.” How would you rate yourself in terms of your emotional maturity and stability? : smile drool start jumping up and down yelling “UH, UH, UH” pretend you’re not Tucker Max feign epilepsy vomit uncontrollably curse the anonymity of the Internet run like a track star run like a crack fiend “I can’t breathe good and it’s making me sleepy.” What will my friends say when they see you? I wish I was him.” “Another tall, hot blonde with no self-esteem–he’s getting laid tonight.” “She’s the hottest thing since nuclear fusion.” “Tonight’s forecast calls for scattered clothes, with a significant chance of intense, passionate humping.” “My Lord–she smells like the fish market.” “Well, she’s too ugly for him to date… says he sleeps with her anyway.” “I wouldn’t call her fat, but he’s gonna need the Jaws of Life to get out of this.” “Oh shit…somebody call 911.” “She’s just an expensive escort.: I’m not very attractive I’m cute I’m cute enough for you, assface I’m hot If you like morbidly obese, cross-eyed fat girls, you’ll LOVE me I’m a butter face I’m a Chicago girl (it means you have a hot face and a fat ass…and don’t email me pissed about this. : I can read enough to answer this I’m average I’m smart enough to get your stupid jokes I’m a fucking genius I can bend things with my mind I’m dumber than week-old bat shit Who are you to question the intelligence of anyone else? I like to use lots of exclamation points in my emails!!!! : I’m about average I’m pretty sane, but have some minor insecurities and peculiarities, just like everyone I’m very emotionally stable I am a rock I’m loonier than a shit-house rat I claw at my eyes, trying to get the demons out The doctor says he can’t increase my prescriptions anymore or he’d get in trouble Sometimes, the restraints chafe my wrists. I wonder how much money she cost him.” “She’s just a cheap hooker.
” “Her face looks like it caught on fire and someone beat it out with a rake.” Do your friends control your love life, you pussy?(we will be drinking…or at least I’ll be drinking): champagne beer liquor fine malt liquor wine wine in a box fine apple wine whatever is cheapest whatever we can steal from homeless people whatever we can make in your bathtub I prefer hard drugs, thank you “They taste like…burning! : The smell of alcohol A few beers A few glasses of wine A six-pack A six-pack of Ripple I can out drink a Wahoo I can out drink an Irish Catholic Ever heard of Motley Crue? “My parent’s won’t let me use scissors.” What will we talk about on our date?: Me You Sex Sex in public places Butt sex The sexual foibles of ex’s The etiquette of group sex What that slut at the next table is wearing How our parents fucked us up beyond all repair How much everyone around us sucks The epistemological and metaphysical implications of superstring theory The epistemological and metaphysical implications of us having sex The Iron Chef Whether or not Scooby Doo is in fact a metaphor for hallucinogenic drug use This web page Flannery O’Connor’s use of symbolism Herman Melville’s use of metaphor Ron Jeremy’s use of irony Lots of different things “Then, the doctor told me that BOTH my eyes were lazy!The now infamous infidelity dating site Ashley Madison, which was one of the most expensive, was also the lowest-scoring online dating service, with a score of 37.(A score of 100 indicates respondents were completely satisfied; 80 was very satisfied and 60 was fairly well-satisfied.) Still, many users found the sites frustrating.In fact, when compared to other consumer products, like cars, computers and credit cards, online dating services received the lowest satisfaction scores Consumer Reports had ever seen, Gilman said.
Further, the 2016 Pew Research Center's survey reveals that the usage of online dating sites by American adults increased from 9% in 2013, to 12% in 2015.